My life seems to move through different stages and themes, as God uses different groupings of circumstances and teachings to bring about new and increasingly refining lessons for me. Last year, the theme was something along the lines of perseverance. I experienced some very challenging and difficult circumstances, including but not limited to, a broken leg, moving to another state, starting college, starting a new job, dealing with many challenging relationships, and much more that God used in my life to accomplish His purposes. It was a time in my life I'm not to keen on repeating! However, it was a time God used powerfully in my life to accomplish His purposes in me.
Now, I'm not saying God broke my leg, caused strife in my relationships, and piled my schedule so full I could barely breath. In fact, I did most of that! But I am saying that God made 100% use of the opportunities to bring me closer to Him in the end. This year, He is building on that foundation, and has been very clearly focussed on teaching me about the desires of the heart. My heart, other's hearts, His heart. I see blessings come left and right for those who's hearts desire fulfillment in God's joy. Likewise, and just as consistently, I see self-inflicted heartache and pain any time anyone, including my self, starts to desire anything or anyone any more than they desire the Holy Spirit in any way.
That's kind of a tricky sentence, but it's important so I'll say it again. I see self-inflicted heartache and pain any time anyone, including my self, starts to desire anything or anyone any more than they desire the Holy Spirit in any way.
Let me explain a bit. If I seek validation in ministry or friends, there is sure to be a short supply of it in my heart, and I find myself emptier than before I started looking. But if I desire validation from the Holy Spirit, not only is it constantly, and immediately available from Him, but also from all of those around me who see His image reflected through me. As it turns out, people are attracted to anything which bears resemblance to their maker. In addition, when I see people seeking out any kind of emotional fulfillment of any need in another person, it sucks both of them dry, and leaves their prospective relationship in shambles.
To give an example, I won't use anybody I know personally (although I have seen it many times), but rather draw from a biblical story probably everyone is familiar with. In this instance, the story of King David and Bathsheba in 2nd Samuel. Often times this story is played off as a simple example of sexual lust over-taking a man's character, but I (and several biblical commentators) think there is more to it. In chapter 21, David is confronted by a second Philistine Giant (Not Goliath), but this time he is an old man and would have been defeated had his soldiers not come to his aid. After this near defeat, David's men asked him to stay back in Jerusalem during war, lest their King be killed in battle.
Now, in the book of 2nd Samuel, this story occurs over ten chapters after the incident with Bathsheba, but it is widely accepted by contemporary scholars that the custom with Jewish historians was to sacrifice chronological order for the sake of proving a theological point. Because of this, it is believed they chose to include this story after Bathsheba for the sake of illustrating David's success before he sinned with her, and his weakness afterward. To show him being defeated before that would have less effectively illustrated their point. Although either way, the story holds true. Ultimately though, it is because of this instance that David is left behind in Jerusalem, while all the men are out fighting a war. This in turn opens the door for his subsequent temptation and fall.
Now try and put yourself in the shoes of David. He's been known his entire life as a mighty warrior, who was previously undefeated in battle. He has now been defeated in his old age, and asked by his commanders to stay at home. It's not hard to imagine he would be feeling pretty devastated, and likely searching for a way to validate himself as a man. In comes Bathsheba. From where he is standing David sees her bathing in the confines of her home, and is understandably attracted to her. There are two problems with this however: First, she is not his wife. Secondly, his pursuit of her is motivated by a need to fill the void in his heart created by his own inadequacy.
Even David, a man after God's own heart, is not immune from the inescapable need to feel validated as a person. But instead of turning to God, and finding his value and Joy in the outpouring and blessings of the Holy Spirit, he turned to Bathsheba. How often do we see the same thing happen to our brothers and sisters, and yes, even ourselves? Because the romantic relationship between a man and woman, and even the platonic friendship between two friends was meant to reflect the relationship between our hearts and God's, it is not surprising that our sinful hearts would so readily turn to other people for that validation and joy we so desperately crave. But what happens when two people, both trying to have their own needs filled, cling to each other expecting to find fulfillment, and instead find the same broken emptiness in their partner? The result is always the same, they find pain.
As a result of David's infidelity (2nd Samuel 12:12-14), the child that was conceived died (2nd Samuel 12) and David's son raped his sister (2nd Samuel 13). So much pain brought about as a result of one man's failure to take joy in God, and instead seek it out in human relationships. Now afterwards David was exceedingly repentful, asking God to create in him a new heart (Psalm 51:10-12) and restore him to the joy of the Holy Spirit. As a result of his repentance (1 John 1:9), God restored peace to his house, and blessed him with a second son by Bathsheba (2nd Samuel 12:24-25), who became known as King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived. But this was only possible once David had once again learned to find peace and affirmation in the Heart of God, rather than another human being.
So in the end, what is the key to healthy relationships with other people? It is simple in principe, though it may be hard for many of us to learn. Each of us must first seek our fulfillment and validation from the Holy Spirit, and then come together to share the resulting abundance with one another. Human relationships are not meant to take the place of constant and daily communion with the Holy Spirit, but rather to provide a venue for people to share the love of Christ which they have received an abundance of, and that they cannot keep to themselves. By this kind of joyful community, we will each begin to find that fulfillment, acceptance, love, joy, and peace we so strongly desire, and it will be perfect. Not lacking in anything, and completely untainted by sin.
For proof of this, take a look at some of David's other Psalms, and find words written out of pure joy in The Lord. May we all seek to experience this same joy, every day.
Psalm 23: 5b-6
"You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
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